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Manpig: Getting pregnant is a woman's problem; men don't get pregnant, it's not our problem.

Beatrice Otch: Fuck you. You people are the ones spraying your seed to the wind. is it really that much of a fuckin problem to wear a condom?

MP: Stick the condom up your ass. Wait, I'll do it for you with my special applicator. I can't get pregnant, so what the hell does this have to do with me?

B: Keep your special applicator to yourself. It has to do with you because it's half your responsibility. Why the fuck should I pay for you to have a carefree and responsibility-free fuck fest with my body.

MP: Now, that sounds like fun! You're starting to get the idea. Wait here, I have to pee first.

B: Manpig obviously has not been laid in a while.

MP: Who the hell are you talking to? Let's get back to the point here, which is not how often I have sex, which I'm sure when it happens, is in a much more healthy, normal, way than whatever the hell goes on in your fucked-up bedroom!

B: My fucked-up bedroom happens to be a very stimulating place. However, why do you think I should have to be the only one to worry about getting knocked up?

MP: I'm sure it is quite stimulating for every other migrant worker in Montgomery county, but about the worry thing...look, answer this simple quiz: The person with the vagina is A. the man. B. the woman.

B: "B" dumbass. point being?

MP: O.K. now you understand, I see. Pull down your pants and bend over so I can have the good time any man deserves after a long days work.

B: Long days work my ass. And who said you deserve it?

MP: Deserve it? didn't I buy you a slice of pizza right now?

B: I don't see any fuckin pizza, even if I did, my crotch is worth than a buck twenty-five, even the hookers on Broad street get twenty bucks, so where's my twenty, you pig?

MP: Twenty bucks?! Those fuckin hags, I knew they were taking me. I'm just not street-wise about that stuff.

B: Maybe if you don't want responsibility, you should stick to the twenty buck whores. If you knocked up some chick, would you be willing to pay for the abortion? or would you rather pay for child support for the rest of your life?

MP: Abort? as I see it, the main problem I have right now is that your parents didn't have the clear heads to abort you before the horrible accident of your birth. The question is irrelevant because from now on I'm conducting all my sexual relations according to the things I learned from the President a few years ago.

B: I don't care about the President. I was a planned birth. Just answer the fucking question.

MP: I love my penis, and I like to get it out as much as possible, waving it here and there, feeling the wind on its huge side. It is a gift that I like to share with all humanity, peoples of all races and colors, men, women and even annoying people like you, all of God's creatures. If you don't like it, just look away, or at least close your eyes and try to pretend it is not penetrating you like an Italian sausage on some mission to batter your head into a pulp against my "I LOVE ME" sticker-covered headboard.

B: First, you wish it was penetrating me. Second--"Huge?" Giving yourself a lot of credit there aren't you? And third, you still haven't answered the fucking question. I will simplify it for your puny penis-oriented male organ you call a brain. Again, if you knocked up some chick, would you at least contribute to the cost of an abortion, seeing as that puny brain of yours didn't have the capacity to create a thought to use birth control?

MP: When I talk to people like you, I think birth control, abortion, and maybe even violent crime are all good ideas that should be practiced more often. Look, are you pregnant or something? Here's three bucks, now go do whatever the hell it is you child-killing, bloodthirsty women do whenever you screw up your methods of birth control and things go wrong. You all probably sell the fetuses to cults or something anyway, making all sorts of money and never telling the poor dopey guy who was unlucky enough to shoot a load in your manipulative, sneaky, always-open-for-business twats.

B: Three bucks? Oh good, that'll get me a coat hanger and bleach. If you know of any cults that are buying fetuses, let me know so I can make some money off of my next so-called mistake. Otherwise, why don't you keep that overactive testosterone-laden weapon of yours in your pants and away from my "sneaky, always- open-for-business" twat.

MP: Good, I finally think you are starting to understand the logical, proper way of looking at things--my way.

B: There's nothing logical about you or what you think, you obviously never get laid, therefore you harbor some sort of grudge against vaginas in general. If you had half a brain you would realize that being able to stick your penis in one is a gift of sorts and you should be damn happy to have it. Consider it a valuable resource you have to protect perchance you ever come across one again.

 

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