Letters IV

FEBRUARY 2005

READER'S AIRTIGHT SYLLOGISM PINS ME TO THE FLOOR YET AGAIN

In the early 90s The Dead where [sic] in the top five grossing bands in concert sales along with Pink Floyd and Michael Jackson. But you are very dumb to judge The Dead by some local band.

Pam H.
February 2005

 

PUBLIC EDUCATION A SUCCESS ONCE MORE

Subject: Penn State
[all sic] what the HELL is wrong with you??! New Jersey aint NEARLY as borin as Philly- and if u did forget about NJ, then where would ur Philly pple go to work?? maybe Nj people think philly is dumb cuz they have to drive to philly for work too!! all pennsylvania does is eat philly cheese steaks and sit on their asses all day and make chocolate!! NJ is a WHOLE lot more fun than that!! Haaaa and about Camden- how bout u take a drive down there, then, when ur car breaks down in the middle of the night, some one will run up with a baseball bat and bang up ur vehicle, then they would take all ur money and then they would kill you!!

i have been to pennsylvania many times, and their is nothin to do. the zoo-how many times can u visit a zoo and not be bored?? once. And NJ is a beautiful Country AND urban state- penn state is just...ugly, boring, and nothin but traffic. so are you saying youre a PATHETIC, WIMPY, LAZY little thing and can't even! drive through NJ to get to the beach?? if you care THAT MUCH about the stupid beach, go through another state, or move somewhere else!! it aint that hard!! and who cares if it isnt as cool as Vegas- neither is anywhere in penn state!!

and if they make you unhappy, JUST by livin near them, then you are an antagonistic lazy brown noser, and u can move somehwhere else! no one gives a shit if you are all "oooo im so saaad i live next to jersey, where it is cool and the best state, and my state, pennsylvania, is just a boring, old state not near the beach where ya cant do anything but eat and get fat...booohooooo :(" haha! ur just jealous of NJ... because no one likes ur state!! dont even TRY the movement...because their are alot of states that support NJ...and plus why should anyone support you? your probably just a grumpy old man who sits aroun the house all day eatin TV dinners with nothin else to do cuz Penn is a bore!! i feel SORRY for you...well, not really. never mind. il! l stop talkin now- your microwave just beeped. hahahahahaha

Rachel G.
September 22, 2002

 

TOUCH

Subject: Why You Should Touch My Balls
Great, great piece. I'm laughing out loud, here. I'll touch your balls. I'll touch em.

Steven C.
May 29, 2002

 

ASK ABOUT OUR AMISH FAGGOT BREADING

Subject: New Jersey
[all sic] If this is the son of a bitch who wrote that review for New Jersey then you can suck on a big sac of nuts you fuckin pussy. You rat bastard, you should be for Jersey (tri state area?), i think pennsylvania, that amish farmland faggot breading piece of land should be re-made and re-named, Like Jersey Number 2. Haha, yea, Penn. a huge embarassment to the tri-state. we had firefighters cops emts' who died for the people in those towers, the jersey way, looking out for people. how dare you knock this state, especialy what its been through the past 8 months. now take that fucking review down.

and if you don't like what i said. Im in Newark, New Jersey I hang out infront of mother fuckin XXXXX every single day. So suck on these and fuck your anti jersey movement.BEEOTCH.

Matt O.
May 29, 2002

 

AMURRCA

Dear Sirs:
You know, when I heer people talkin bout bad things an things that have happend in the past -- far back in the history of Amerrca -- it gets me sad. We can't change Amerrca's past, Will, but we can have a new visionaryness about the future, a future for us and for our children, in our home which is Amerrca in the future. Amerrca has a spirit, it exists in the real people -- the men, women, and old people -- who make up our great country. I've been from one sea to the other shining sea as they say, and i've talked to the people and they say they have spirit, and I see their spirit and I know they are what this country is about -- real folks with real spirit, who are real Amerrcans first. Now, not long ago I was in New York down at ground zeruh, and I spent alotta time talkin to the men down there, the guys cleanin up the dirt 'n stuff left by the 9/11 cowardly tragedy that Amerrca suffered on nine eleven, not this past september but the year before that. And these men had the spirit of Amerrca and ah wish you coulda been there with me Will to feel it too. And those minors in Kentucky or wherever that was, when they finally pulled em out of that hole they wwere stuck in for so long, you could see that the one thing these great men didn't lose when they were stuck under the ground was their strong spirit, the spirit of true Amerrcans. And i've met other folks too, simple folks like Art McSeamus, who writes a good column about Amerrca. Now I talked to Art, and Art has a good heart. Art knows what it's like to be an impertinent member of Amercca. So when I hear a complainin, and whinin, and a sissy-kinda view on how things are here, I just gotta ask these complainin folks where their spirit in Amerrca has gone. My momma used to say that if you had a bird in the bush, you were doin alright. So we oughta be doin things here across Amerrca the way we used to do em back home, back when we knew we had birds in the bush, and a full basket at the table, and we knew how to break bread with each other. And we didn't all whine like a bunch of sissies.

God Bless Amerrca,
President George W. Bush (Presdent of Amerrca).

 

 

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